February 4, 2004

I let the day go by yesterday without remembering that it was the 4 year mark since my father passed away. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him, and he was on my mind a lot yesterday, but I just didn't realize what day it was. Probably because I have figured out a way to not remember that day, it was so sad. The pain I felt when I got the news over the phone was almost unbearable, a pain I try not to think about, because it immediately brings me back to tears. I like to remember his birthday more, as a way to celebrate the life he did have here on earth. I miss him so much, I wish I could call home, and hear him answer with his tradmark "Yello!" He was so kind, humble, GIANT, and spiritual. He did so much for our family, worked so hard, day and night, so that my mother could stay home with us, and make sure we had clothes (can you imagine the incessant need for clothes, in a house with 5 girls and later one boy?), food, and a roof over our heads. The above picture is of my Dad with my son Cole, when he was five months old. It was their first meeting. That day was special, but also sad, because I knew my father would not have much time here on earth with my baby. He died six months later. My fourth baby Julia never met her Papa while on earth, but I know she will another time. I am sure she met him before I met her.

I wonder what he is doing now? I wonder if he watches over my family? Does he see me every day? I wish I could see him. I haven't been able to have any dreams about him, since he passed away, where he wasn't ill. I know he isn't sick anymore, he left his body, and went to Heavenly Father, and was relieved of his pain. I just wish for a dream, where I can see him well, big, and strong again. For this I am grateful for the knowledge I have of my Heavenly Father's plan, and I will be able to see him again.



I love you Dad, and I miss you dearly.